


i'll stare at you until you get it

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Pre-Relationship, a little on air early morning not confession confession, after some thoughts writer decides to make em bois kiss, also too much fluff makes writer itch but she wants her bois to be happy hapz, arrange a time for bj without even saying ily and shit because writer is bad at confession, hand holding, it's a lot of staring from bucky's part and obliviousness from tony's, jk, much exhaustion post mission, says she while not caring, she cares, then a little hulk pinata and some slime, they really just go for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24981436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: title pretty much sums it up.tony keeps catching bucky staring at him at places. quite intensely too. and the man refuses to budge even when he's called out.tony doesn't understand why until he does.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 17
Kudos: 193





	1. Chapter 1

Tony's been... well he's not exactly asleep or napping or anything in that category. Not exactly awake either. He's just, _aware_. To say the least.

He's got his eyes shut and head leaned heavily against the headrest of one of the Quinjet's passenger seats while the spy-twins fly them back home.

It's been a rough day. The fact that the day has only started - the rising sun in the horizon must mean it's barely past dawn - is spinning his head something giddy.

Unauthorized portals. Two of them. Expelling one very slimy monster into the city calling for Avenger's immediate attention at fuck-o'clock last night (this night? whatever).

They got it contained. Got Reed Richards to handle the portals and by the time they got done with the clean-up, Tony has at least 50 bruises blossomed across his body.

Almost _all_ of him aches. His back is the worst, considering he was the monster's stick to Hulk's piñata so... There was that.

But that's not the point.

The point is that this is the nth time Tony has caught a certain super soldier staring at him.

It would not bother so much if said super soldier immediately looks away when Tony points it out or if he apologizes. Or better, if they haven't been dancing around each other as much lately; between friends and acquaintances to close friends and something in between all of that that has been driving Tony shit-crazy.

But that's what it is.

Bucky Barnes - who Tony insists on calling James despite referring to him as Bucky in his head, because in no living planet is Tony ever going to openly call someone Bucky - has been staring at Tony for the past 10 minutes. For the last three weeks, according to various video footage he has of their interactions.

The first time Tony caught him it was only a week ago. Tony asked if he needed something. But Bucky shook his head and of all cursed things, he continued staring at Tony as if it was not any form of hindrance at all. To Tony mainly because clearly Bucky didn't feel hindered in any way.

The second time, Tony pointed it out and the bastard said; _"I know"_ and he carried on. Tony bristled, frowned, didn't pout but he certainly glared. But all those expressions only seemed to amuse Bucky so he turned his back to that man and carried on with his work.

The third time, they were having dinner with the rest of the team and right there, in front of everyone else, Bucky Barnes had the gall to keep his ice blue eyes firmly fixed on Tony. Needless to say, it was discomforting. What more when everyone did notice but shrugged it off as if it was yet another ‘Tony and Bucky thing’.

Tony wanted to tell them that it is in fact NOT their thing and that he is very much uncomfortable to be under that kind of scrutiny. Also, what the fuck Barnes? Why are you doing that?

But the more he rehearsed that speech, the more he squirmed under Bucky Barnes' bold stare and the more he reconsidered because suddenly, the discomfort was a warm prickle of something else entirely.

Something else that reminded him of those rare moments he shared with Bucky when there were only both of them and nobody else.

Like when Bucky steps too close to him, his front grazing Tony's back as he helps reach for Tony's mug.

Or when Tony is doing a routine maintenance to Bucky's arm and he has to fit himself in a weird, scandalous position to pick at the wire he cannot pick at before and Bucky is too close; his breath is wet and hot across that strip of Tony's exposed skin and it's a yes and a no and big BIG YES _please._

Or when they're watching a movie and Bucky falls asleep because he could never stay awake for more than 20 minutes and a few strands of his hair fall to the front and Tony just wants to tuck them back real bad. And maybe tuck himself into Bucky as well.

Yeah.

Like that.

So, Tony swallowed his words and let Bucky have his fill. That was last night and now, he's doing it again.

Maybe it's Bucky's fortune that Tony is incredibly worn out to even form a complete sentence. But he could still feel that heat of that gaze. Not a digit lesser than yesterday.

This time, Tony rolls his head to his right and meets those eyes; clear blue glinting grey under the flitting sun rays that peek through passing clouds. He's seen them a countless time, but still. As close as this, especially when they're singularly focused on him and _burning –_

Tony shudders. A low, controlled motion that jostles him in his seat.

He swallows, letting his own tired eyes drink in the sight before him. Bucky Barnes, still fully armoured like the rest of them are; one cheek streaked with dirt and the other, his right one, has tiny splatter of that blue slime from their fight earlier.

Otherwise, he's immaculate, except for his hair which has always stuck to its own thing.

He's handsome. He's goddamn beautiful and Tony would vouch for that any day. There is no shame in that.

The shame is only in finding passion in it.

To be passionately attracted to the man even in his most distasteful state - that. That is what is most disconcerting.

To be able to openly admire him as he is, in his least perfected form; streaked with dirt and drenched in sweat and slime, to be able to stare at him the way he stares at Tony -

Oh.

 _Oh,_ Tony realizes. With a flutter to his lashes and the softest gasp, he realises that that is what Bucky Barnes been doing for those past three weeks; _admiring_ Tony.

It breaks his synapses. Makes them rewire themselves, cancelling all his insecurities and the barest doubts he's had about their relationship and where it has been heading lately.

It makes him swallow, throat working tightly as he lifts up a hand and he tries to brush away the flecks of slime on Bucky's cheek when he notices his still gauntleted hand.

"Oops," he lets out, breathy as an amused pair of eyes regard him coolly.

It's a testament to how close he'd let Bucky Barnes come near him and how close Bucky Barnes dares to near him, when silver metal plates shift with muted whir - accommodating an index that taps thrice at the centre of Tony's chest - that Tony doesn't even flinch.

A flurry of nanites retract into their housing unit with a blue glow trailing their ends, momentarily captivating both men before their attention snap back onto each other.

This time, when Tony reaches for Bucky's cheek, his hand is naked skin and human. He presses a thumb, ever so gently then more, and he wipes at the blue dots. But a slime is a pain in the ass after however long and Tony only manages to smear them. A thin smear of translucent blue across one cheek and he winces apologetically.

Bucky’s eyes flick once to where Tony’s fingers rest and he snorts, “You better hope that’s not dangerous,” he husks. Deep and low and Tony swallows back a sudden rush of arousal.

“Scan showed zero to .15 percent,” he rasps out. His own eyes flicking between intense blue and plush red.

“If I swallow it…,” Bucky trails, head tipping into Tony’s palm, mouth teasingly close to Tony’s tainted fingers as he exhales.

Throat dry but wit still preserved, Tony says, “We’re not having sex before shower.”

He’s barely listening to himself speak, so Bucky’s laugh when it comes in a puff of hot exhale into his hand, surprises him. Hardly a second needed to rewind and the realisation pumps a flood of warm blood to his face; tinting them a deep shade of blush.

If those blue eyes burned before, now they're a raging fire encompassed in an eerily calm shell. Tony shivers. He makes to retract his hand when cold metal snaps around his wrist. Holding him in prison.

“But after shower…?” Bucky Barnes prompts, gaze intense, grip steady; keeping Tony where he wants him to be. Where Tony belongs.

“Not even a date to precede, Sergeant?” Tony teases, despite the odd flip in his chest.

A slow smirk works across Bucky’s face; a luscious curl to one end of his mouth and he nuzzles into Tony’s hand as he makes a promise.

“I’ll order in pizza. We’ll pretend to watch a bad movie in your bed and I’ll suck you off when you get tired of it.”

Tony watches him intertwine their fingers and place them on his lap and he smirks back, just as deviously; “Sounds like a solid plan.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aannnnyywaay, this grew into something more cause idk it just did, so here we are

The blowjob doesn’t happen.

Because Bucky Barnes cannot stay awake more than 20 minutes into a movie and he falls asleep. He fucking falls asleep in the middle of their first non-date kind of date and that too,  _ on _ his non-date kind of date’s shoulder.

“Fantastic.” Tony huffs. Because really, what more can he say to that.

Frankly, it makes him laugh, a giddy sort of frustration that warrants a continuous maniacal laughter. However, he only succumbs to a snort and disbelief shake to his head.

It pains him to admit it because he’s pushing 40 and his hopes shouldn’t climb so high, but they did anyway and it feels like someone had just poked a balloon and let it bleed out its air.

Deflated. Yes. That’s exactly how it feels like as he sits on his bed with Barnes' heavy head weighing down his sore right shoulder while the stupid B-grade movie which Tony doesn’t even remember what it’s about, is still playing in the background.

One more hour to go.

“What do I even do with you?” Tony sighs, sinking into the bed, dragging Barnes with him. He signals FRIDAY to shut the TV and he carefully shifts Bucky’ head onto the pillow.

For a super soldier, he sure is dead to the world when he’s asleep. Funny though, because this is not how Bucky used to be when he first got here; a slight shift in the air could startle him awake. He used to be sleep deprived for weeks until Tony invited him into the workshop one day and subtly pointed out all the different security measures he’s got installed in the tower and Bucky sure did notice the highest level to be in the workshop. Ever since then, for a good period of time, the workshop couch was Bucky Barnes' ‘bed’.

Thankfully, that was only temporary because Tony wouldn’t know what to answer to Pepper and Rhodey if they had found a sleeping ex-assassin in his shop for the third time in a row. It must have been a mix of therapy and a lot to do with Tony installing the exact security measures to Bucky’s floor in the tower. Eventually, the couch lost its occupant. But it didn’t lose him permanently because Bucky kept the visits.

Now, however… Tony finds it a little bit baffling but also proud? Because of all the places, the Winter Soldier deems his room safe enough to fall into a deep slumber and sure, Tony's non-date kind of date is ruined, but for  _ this _ , Tony finds it hard to be mad at him.

In fact, he’s already forgotten about it. Lying on his side, facing Bucky, Tony is more preoccupied with studying his face and his posture and the way he is completely relaxed in this state that a part of him preens. His state is not exactly Tony’s doing, regardless, Tony’s glad that he could provide the space and in whichever way Bucky felt it; the comfort as well.

But Tony couldn’t leave him like that, no. Because Tony is a restless soul with fidgety hands and curiosity drilled behind his ears that he lifts a hand up, ever so quietly and slowly, and he inches it close to Bucky until he could press an index to smooth out the pinched frown between dark eyebrows.

When he succeeds without waking up the sleeping soldier, he gets bolder and he ever so softly – extremely softly – drags the digit down the bridge of a sharp nose and up the slope. He pauses on the tip to catch a breath, tunnelling all of his focus to exert a gentle; incalculable pressure to the tip of Bucky's nose - a tiny 'bop' - before he lifts his hand away.

But right then is where he gets caught.

Because, while Tony has been so lost in the task to trace his nose, Bucky Barnes has snapped his eyes open, awake; watching all that Tony has been doing to his face.

He catches Tony by his wrist right when he starts to pull away and with a quick calculated manoeuvre, he topples him onto his back and himself over him.

“Oof,” Tony grunts, caught by surprise which quickly shifts into a surge of arousal. “That’s – Yeah, that’s very,” he stammers, pausing to clear his throat and will his flush away. “Very hot.” He admits anyway, because what is shame? What is dignity?

Bucky snorts, lips curling into a smirk. “I know,” he rumbles, deep and intimate. Just for Tony to hear.

“Do you now?” Tony asks, faint like how he’s feeling inside because it’s hard to concentrate with 200 pounds of solid muscles on top of his body and that too, a fine ass specimen like Bucky Barnes.

Worst; someone he’s already harbouring a myriad of feelings for and is probably falling way too hard way too soon but Tony cannot stop himself. Has always been unable to stop himself when it comes to the matters of heart and he could only wish that Bucky is different; that he wouldn’t tear it apart like the rest but he’ll treasure it instead.

Torn between pulling and pushing, Tony can only pretend he doesn’t care as he looks at the man and teases him like the playboy persona he wears so well.

But Bucky Barnes wields his own kind of weapon and boy does he wield it well. “I know where you give and where you don’t,” he replies, still in that low baritone rumble. His elbows cage Tony’s head as he hovers, their legs entangled and Tony’s blood is boiling somewhere vulnerable to his gender.

“You promise me a blow job,” he reminds; moving away, running far from the serious kind of emotions because that’s how you survive. That’s how even when you fall you can pretend you didn’t and that it didn’t hurt.

But Bucky seems adamant to steer the ship right where he wants. “I’ll promise you a lot of things,” he breathes, blue eyes boring on Tony. Intense in the way they study. If Tony looks into them, he can hear them ask;  _ Why are you running? _

“Promises mean nothing if you can’t keep them, soldier. Anyone ever told you that?” Tony smirks, cheeky. His heart however, is thundering in his chest.

“Not me,” Bucky husks, still studying Tony. Still intense, still chasing. “There’s not a word I've never not kept.”

Tony gulps, looks away. Couldn’t help but squirm under that sharp blue stare. “There’s a first for everything,” he pats the man’s arm. Dons on his nonchalance mask and he leers, “I’m still waiting for that blowjob.”

He expects a laugh or even a snort but he gets neither. What he gets is a heavy look and a silent nod then a stiff smile and Bucky releases him.

Just like that, his weight is gone. His solid heat that bore down on Tony disappears and Tony feels strangely exposed to the ceiling of his own bedroom. For the first time in their equation, Tony is speechless.


	3. Chapter 3

He doesn’t know what to say. If he should brush it off or seek it out because there are those tendrils of hope for something big, something deep and meaningful, clinging at his heart stream. Those very tendrils that he was running away from a second ago but when they’re yanked by their roots, suddenly he doesn’t want to let go.

Suddenly, he wants to grab back and hold tight and never let go.

_ Fuck, _ he thinks, palming his face. He can’t bear messing this up - whatever it is that he’s got going with Bucky Barnes because – Because well, he just  _ can’t. _

He knows that Bucky hasn’t completely pulled away. Tony could still feel his weight beside him, so he reaches out; rolls to his side so he could look at the man and begins to say that they  _ ‘don’t have to do this’ _ . What _ this _ is, he hasn’t a clue but he starts nonetheless only for Bucky to beat him to it.

Only he says; “I’m not offering you a blowjob. I’m offering you a relationship. I thought you knew,” his eyes seek out for Tony; fallen and yet, tentative.

Tony snaps his mouth shut. His throat goes dry and his breath stutters in its inhale. He swallows and considers his words before deciding to just be honest. “I know,” he admits. Feeling as rough as the sound that escapes his mouth.

When Bucky doesn’t continue, Tony ransacks through his vocabulary.

“James, I -,” he starts, pausing.  _ He  _ what exactly?

There are so many things he wants to say. So many ways he wants to tell Bucky to _ not _ leave him. To not jump into a relationship expecting everything to be dandy with Tony because it will never be because Tony is a legendary screw up and Tony will  _ run _ . Tony will run from relationships; romantic or platonic, Tony will run, run and run.

Because Tony is insecure and he is over forty, he knows. But he still is insecure and he thinks he’s not worth it and that he’s going to fuck up and that perfectionist in him is terrified of that. So, he’ll run away. He’ll do the most ridiculous things to even end everything but he honestly, deep in him,  _ truthfully _ , he doesn’t want to.

He’s so scared of people leaving that he’ll open the door for them before they even think about leaving. And he’ll do all that to Bucky and he’ll chase Bucky away. He’ll run if Bucky doesn’t go. But those don’t mean that Tony wants him gone. Because Tony never wants Bucky gone.

He can’t –

He cannot lose Bucky.

As a matter of fact, he wants Bucky. He wants him to stay for however long he could tolerate Tony. He wants Bucky to be there night and day and every second in between. Wants to touch him, wants to feel him and wants to have him in ways that nobody else can and Tony, he –

“I want you,” he exhales. Tipping over onto his back; white ceiling clouding his vision and he scrubs his face until he can’t feel it.

The cold metal fingers that find him give him the courage to voice out the worst half of his confession. “And then, I don’t want to lose you.”

For a minute, he waits. For what really, he doesn’t know. Until he doesn’t feel less tense, doesn’t feel lighter and he realises that’s what he’s waiting for; for the tension to bleed out.

Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. For this particular confession, it apparently doesn’t. Instead, Tony pushes it out with a deep inhale and a long exhale and he forces himself to look at the man beside him.

Bucky’s calm. As calm as he’ll be when he throws a knife at Clint for stealing his pancake. Even his eyes are a sea of tranquility. Giving nothing away while Tony yearns for something.  _ Anything. _

“Do you -,” Tony starts, because he doesn’t think Bucky understands. But Bucky chooses that instant to pull him into his arms; joints clashing, limbs sloppy, but Tony goes with a sigh.

That at least gives him comfort.

Even if Bucky doesn’t say a word; doesn’t say he’s wrong or that he’s right. Doesn’t say he’ll stay forever or something along that line. Doesn’t say anything but simply holds Tony and breathes and breathes until their rhythms match and Tony feels his own self calm down.

In the end, when Tony feels himself drifting off to sleep, Bucky tucks a stray hair behind his ear, pulls him closer to his chest; his nose buried in Tony’s hair and he says, “I want you too.”


	4. Chapter 4

Tony wakes up first.

It’s midday or evening, it can be both or neither, he doesn’t fucking know. All he knows is that the sun is incredibly hot on his face and he needs it to go away.

He tries to push it away or hide his face – either one – when his hand collides with something soft and squishy that makes him wrinkle his nose at the texture. He ends up rolling away, hating everything as he cracks his eyes open and squint to look and his stomach drops like an anchor to the ocean floor.

He completely forgot that Bucky Barnes stayed in his bed when he fell asleep and he  _ still is _ , which only means that Tony has dozed off in Bucky’s arms since that’s the last thing he remembers. Oh and –

_ “I want you too.” _

Goddamn fuck.

“Do you always punch in your sleep?” Bucky’s groggy voice snaps him back to present and Tony groans. Shame and anxiety coiling around each other, squeezing him into something stupid.

“Shut up,” is his clever response. Cheeks flushing red and ears hot as he swiftly rolls away and off of the bed in two seconds. Sure, his body aches like the Hulk had used him for a punching bag, but his flight response is pinging loud and bright red and Tony’s already on his feet planning to escape.

But he stops. Freezes like a deer in the headlight with his back to the bed when he catches himself trying to run.

His nerves are a tightly coiled spring that would break if pressed harder. He forces himself to relax; allow himself to inhale and shove the panic to the far end of his brain and he turns.

Bucky’s half sitting up on the bed, face arranged into a scowl but Tony knows it really is a frown in there. Steeling himself for the worst, he runs his fingers through his hair, frowns at the floor and says, “I’m gonna get some coffee.”

He wasn’t. He knows he wasn’t. Bucky knows he wasn’t. But they pretend he was and Bucky grunts affirmatively, flinging his legs off of the other side of the bed; putting his back to Tony.

Hopeful, Tony tries again, “Want one?”

He watches Bucky glance over his shoulder, the tightness of those muscles giving away. “Sure,” he rasps.

Tony feels his own spring recoil.  _ Relieved.  _ He lets out a sigh, burying the tiny curve to his mouth in his palm as he pinches the bridge of his nose. Feeling braver and fuelled by the positive reply, he asks, “Want to come with?”

A part of him is bristling in furry at how juvenile their whole exchange has been today. How very naïve and innocent and so not ‘Tony’ it has been so far in his, what? Courting ritual?

But there’s a different part of him – the part he’d buried so long ago because Howard kept calling him ‘soft' - that is thriving from exactly  _ that _ ; the very softness of their interactions. Where he feels himself  _ giving _ more and more to Bucky. Letting him look; letting him see just how exactly Tony is. No mask, no nothing. Just him; afraid and fragile and vulnerable and the very fact that Bucky hadn’t run but stayed. That he stayed and he held Tony through it instead -

Tony breathes in. Recollecting his thoughts and with it, himself. The muted rustle of the sheets catches his attention and Tony looks up again to see a hand held out. Human, breakable and just as vulnerable as how he feels; held out for him to take.

“C’mere,” Bucky rasps, sleepy and grumpy looking but sounding so fragile and soft that Tony feels himself going.

He rounds the foot of the bed, going to Bucky’s side and he takes the hand. Falls when Bucky pulls him into a hug, burying his face into Tony’s chest and mumbling something that is too muffled for him to make out.

Tony cards his fingers through long brown locks and holds him close. Lets his smile break into a grin and he tells Bucky, “I can’t hear you like this.”

What follows is a disgruntled huff before scowling blue eyes scowl up at him. Tony combs back those hair which fell over his face and watch Bucky repeat himself in a low grumble; “I want food.”

Laughing, Tony places a palm over Bucky’s forehead and gives a light shove, pulling away from the hug. But he never lets go of that hand he took. “You know how to feed yourself, snowflake,” he points out, tugging until the dead weight that is a considerably grouchy Bucky Barnes stands up.

Tony manages to drag him into the kitchen. A feat given Tony himself is a certified sourpuss just after he wakes up. Once there, he finally lets go. Heading straight to the coffee machine to start a brew while Bucky mumbles, what sounds like his food order, to FRIDAY.

Tony’s downing a glass of water by the time Bucky finishes. He stretches; both arms extended overhead, the hem of his shirt riding up above his navel before he lets go with a soft exhale. All the while, his eyes stay fixed on Tony’s, challenging. Tony puts away the glass, biting back his smile and he stares back defiantly.

When Bucky crowds him up the counter; coffee machine whirring somewhere in the background, Tony welcomes him readily into his space. Lets him pick Tony up and sit him on the counter. Lets him pry his knees apart and fit himself snuggly in the middle.

Lets him card his fingers through Tony’s hair, hold him by the back of his head and pull him in for a kiss. Lets him kiss Tony soft and stupid until all the nerve endings in Tony’s body is firing rapidly,  _ screaming _ and the only thing that Tony could cling onto to calm them down is the cool sensation of five fingers pressing up his lower right back.

And when Bucky pulls back, he doesn’t pull all the way. Instead, he rests his forehead against Tony's, breathes in that small space they’ve made for themselves and he declares, “I want this.”

He tips his head for another deep kiss and continues, “I want to do this. Hella lot. With you.” Another peck and he hoists Tony incredibly closer. Until all of them are touching. The growing interest in their pants, the hard plane of Bucky’s abdomen and the raised scars over Tony’s chest;  _ all _ .

“Stay?”

Tony shudders, his inhale shaky and he fists at the shirt-material lining Bucky’s back. He feels utterly debauched and completely naked as he nods. Because he  _ will _ stay. 

Feeling thoroughly stripped to his very core in front of Bucky Barnes, he says, “Okay,” and he fucking means it. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is becoming into something more, anyway; if you like this, reblog and share [here](https://anthonyed.tumblr.com/post/622270100660191232/buckytony-tonys-been-well-hes-not-exactly)


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